Live Blog: 2014 Golden Globes Opening Monologue

Key Points:

  • Amy Pohler and Tina Fey returned to host the Golden Globes in 2015.
  • Pohler and Fey brought their specific comedic charm to the opening monologue, drawing laughs from the majority of the audience.
  • The monologue was just under 10 minutes.

:35 Fey makes a joke about producer and director Lee Daniels including his name in the title of his productions by referring to the show as the “Tina Fey Amy Pohler Lee Daniels The Butler Golden Globes Awards.”

:40 Pohler jokes that only women and gay men are watching the broadcast.

:47 The host acknowledge this is their second time hosting and jokes about Hollywood’s tendency to create sequels and follow ups until “everybody hates it.”

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1:06 Pohler correctly pronounces Chiwetel Ejiofor and Lupita Nyong’o but mispronounces Tom Hanks

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1:29 Fey and Pohler joke about the ranking of A-list stars. They say last year’s Globes didn’t have as many great stars. 

2:22 Pohler continues the ranking joke, telling Matt Damon his stardom is equivalent to a garbage man for the night.

2:43 Fey acknowledges Meryl Streep and says “there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60”

3:01 Pohler makes a joke to Martin Scorsese in a light Boston accent. “Danny and Bobby say hi.”

3:26 Fey jokes about the wigs used in Bradley Cooper’s “American Hustle”.

3:47 Fey acknowledges Poehler is nominated for “Parks and Rec.”

3:55 Pohler asks the cameras to get a shot of her and the camera shows Jennifer Lawrence.

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4:10 Fey acknowledges Julia Louis-Dreyfus is nominated for a film and television and chose to sit in the film section. The camera shows her with shades on, huffing an e-cigarette.

4:53 Pohler gives Woody Allen a shout out for being nominated for the Cecil B Demille award, and compares his short stature and glasses to the previous winner, Martin Scorsese.

5:04 Fey jokes about best film nomination, “Gravity” starring George Clooney. She says it’s a film about how Clooney would rather die than be with a woman his own age. This joke draws laughs from Sandra Bullock, Matthew McConaughey, Bryan Cranston, Aaron Paul, Puff Daddy, Lupita Nyong’o and more. 

5:40 Pohler talks about Barkhad Abdi’s success story of being a limo driver before landing a major role. She says the important lesson is to “sleep with your limo driver tonight before he gets famous.”

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6:05 Fey says both the film “Her” and Joaquin Phoenix take place in the near distant future.

6:20 Pohler jokes that she was the voice of the computer in “Her”. Fey says it was Scarlett Johansson.

6:35 Fey acknowledges Matthew McConaughey lost 45 pounds to be in “Dallas Buyers Club” saying it’s what actresses call “being in a movie.”

6:58 Pohler jokes about the graphic nature of “The Wolf of Wall Street,” and calls out one of Jonah Hill’s raunchy scenes, alleging the use of a prosthetic penis.

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7:18 Fey jokes about Hill’s prosthetic penis being in Planet Hollywood.

7:30 Pohler continues the prosthetic genitals joke and includes “Blue is the Warmest Color” and “Saving Mr Banks.” She point to Tim Hanks, saying he’s wearing a prosthetic penis now at the award show.

7:52 Fey compares the “The Wolf of Wall Street” using the “f-word” 506 times in 3 hours to her father hanging curtain rods.

8:01 Pohler says after seeing “12 Years a Slave” she’ll never look at slavery the same way. Fey asks, “Wait, how were you looking at it?”

8:20 Pohler acknowledges Netflix’s nominations, and says Snapchat will be accepting the best drama award in a few years.

8:44 Fey gives Kerry Washington a shout out and recognizes her pregnancy.

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8:55 The hosts joke about the drama on Washington’s show, “Scandal” and looks into another camera whispering, “Scandal.”

9:02 Pohler shouts of her “Saturday Night Live” friend’s nominations, saying Andy Samberg’s song “I’m on a Boat” being adapted into Tom Hanks film, “Captain Phillips.”

9:24 Pohler makes a play on the name of drama series “Masters of Sex,” saying, “Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.”

9:35 Fey jokes that the Somali pirates from “The Blacklist” are invited to her room tonight.

9:40 Fey and Pohler end the monologue and start the show.

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